Written by guest contributor, Vanessa Siso, registered psychologist and member of FAC en Español.
A Back-to-School Guide for Parents
The start of a new school year can feel like a leap into the unknown. For kids, it’s the mystery of new classrooms, teachers, and friendships. For parents, it’s the quiet hope that their child will thrive, mixed with the knot in their stomachs, wondering, “Will they be okay?” “Have I done enough?” or even “How will I pay for all this?”
To help ease this transition, I’ve answered some common back-to-school questions below and offer practical strategies to support your child through this transition, whether you’re a working parent, single parent, or homeschooling family. It is my hope there will be something in this blog that may be helpful to parents.
How can parents support kids who are starting a new school, changing grades or meeting new teachers and friends?
Transitions shake up what our brains crave most: predictability. Whether your child is starting kindergarten, switching schools, or just moving up a grade, their nervous system adjusts to new routines, faces, and expectations. Big feelings like excitement, worry, anger and fear (as well as the dreaded tantrums) are all normal – due to the cognitive load and stress that change can bring for a child.
One of the best ways to help support your child through this is by helping to restore predictability through small, gradual exposure to the changes, and to offer spaces for support and practice for new skills they’ll need to thrive in their new routines. To help with this, I’ve included some strategies below that I hope will help.
Keep familiar routines intact
Familiar routines act as emotional anchors. Keeping some things consistent sends the message that, despite summer being over, not everything is changing, and you still have solid ground at home. Some examples of these familiar routines include:
- Keeping Friday pizza nights or weekend pancakes before church.
- Leaving space for familiar activities like bike rides or reading, as long as the weather allows.
- Continuing the same bedtime story or morning high-five.
- Arranging a playdate with a familiar summer friend during the first weeks back to school.
Shift sleep schedules gradually rather than suddenly
I cannot emphasize enough what a big difference sleep can make for morning routines, especially once school is back in session. A well-rested child can not only focus and learn better but can cope with stress significantly better – which means less tantrums! One helpful tip for this includes shifting bedtime and wake-up times by 15 to 20 minutes early every few days, starting one to two weeks before school begins.
Practice routines before the start of school
Doing a few “dry runs” of the school day routine can also help to reduce anxiety and overall stress surrounding back-to-school routines. Especially if you’re hoping your child begins this new year by taking on more responsibilities at home, like zipping up their own backpacks, dressing themselves or waking up with an alarm/without parental assistance. One of the benefits of this strategy, too, is that doing this will also permit you more time to work out any kinks that need to be worked out without the added time pressures on the day of. Keep in mind, the more you practice, the easier that first week back will be – meaning it will be LESS likely your child will have a tantrum in the morning. Parents, can I get an amen?
If this sounds like a strategy you’d like to try, here are some items worth considering for practice during your dry run throughs: setting the alarm the night before without supervision, getting dressed, eating breakfast, packing the backpack, and walking or driving the school route. When you come home from these run-throughs, consider even practicing the after-school flow too: unpack the bag, share a snack, and wind down.
Roleplay or practice problem-solving in real-life situations
Roleplaying is an extremely helpful exercise, which can help to build confidence of new and previously learned skills for kids, through you guessed it – continued rehearsal and practice. To help make this doable in your routines, parents can consider trying to incorporate roleplay activities to take place during already regular connection times with their children, like dinner or bedtimes. For these to work, I recommend pretending to have actual “fake” conversation and leaning into the silliness of everything. The more you buy into this exercise, the more likely your child will too.
Some sample scenarios worth practicing include:
- Practice introducing themselves to someone new
- Practice how to ask another child if they can join a game they’re playing
- Practice how to resolve disagreements they might face in the classroom (i.e. sharing a toy)
- Practice pretending to manage big emotions when stress is low, and go as far as to discuss skills they could use for regulation (i.e. deep breaths, prayer)
- Practice how to respond/handle to setbacks (i.e. what would you do if you fail a test, or a friend decides to stop spending time with you? How would you keep yourself encouraged enough to try again after? How would you speak to yourself?)
- And for shy kids, it can be really helpful to practice eye contact and smiling during conversations.
Partner with teachers early
Parent-teacher collaboration is crucial for a positive back to transition, because it helps foster a more supportive and cohesive environment for kids, both at home and at school. One suggestion for this that I give parents, is to consider sending a short email to teachers, so they’re equipped with any necessary information they might need to help them better understand your child’s needs and strengths, as well as open up the opportunity for collaboration if help is required down the line.
For help with this, here is a sample email:
Subject: Quick Intro — [Child’s Name], Grade X
Hi [Teacher Name],
I’m [insert name here], parent of [insert child’s name here]. [Child] is excited/nervous about Grade X. They learn best by [listening/watching/doing], love [interests], and respond well to [support strategy] when overwhelmed at home. I hope this information will prove helpful, and if there’s ever anything I can do to better support my child’s learning or adjustment in this back-to-school season, please let me know.
Thanks for partnering with us!
Warmly, [Your Name / Phone or best form of contact]
How can families create a “safe space” at home where kids feel comfortable expressing their struggles?
Even busy families can build emotional connection into daily life. The key here is to find natural moments that fit your everyday routine without extra time being required. Examples of naturally occurring times where check-ins can more easily fit in include:
- At dinner: “What was the best and hardest part of your day?”
- At bedtime: “If one feeling spoke about today, what would it say?”
- Weekly ritual: Rose (win), Thorn (challenge), Bud (something to look forward to)
During these check-in times, I highly encourage using open-ended questions. Especially for those parenting teenagers, doing this will help avoid the dreaded “fine” answers. Some examples of open-ended questions include:
- “Tell me one thing that surprised you today.”
- “Who did you sit with at lunch? What did you talk about?”
- “You seem a bit quiet; want to talk or just get a hug?”
Why emotional safety matters
Safety comes from predictable connection, open questions, and empathy first. Trust grows from repeated, believable behaviour (not just one big talk).
How can parents recognize the signs of stress, anxiety, or burnout in their children?
Recognizing stress, anxiety, and burnout in kids, as well as in ourselves, can be tricky. To help with this, I’ve included some of the common signs to watch out for below:
Signs of stress, anxiety or burnout in children
- Unexplained physical complaints: stomach-aches, nausea, vomiting or headaches
- Sleep problems or nightmares
- Withdrawing from friends or activities they used to enjoy
- Emotional outbursts or tantrums
- Drop in grades or refusing school
Signs of stress, anxiety or burnout in parents
- Exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix
- Increased irritability or numbness
- Difficulty completing simple tasks
- Increased reliance in unhealthy coping like excessive scrolling of social media, isolation or substance use
What to do next?
- Start by naming and validating the experience. A simple, compassionate statement like, “I can see this has been really hard for you,” or even, “I’m noticing I’m having a hard time coping too—it sounds like there’s a lot going on,” can go a long way. These small moments of honesty and empathy help reduce shame and open the door to meaningful conversation and change.
- From there, focus your limited energy on rebuilding the basics. Return to a steady routine with consistent sleep, regular meals, and one small daily ritual like a bedtime prayer, a morning hug, or a short devotional. These simple rhythms, practiced one day at a time, help stabilize the body, mind, and spirit.
- Once that foundation is in place, begin adding short moments of connection and regulation. Just 5 to 10 minutes of one-on-one time each day a walk, a story, or a snack chat can make a big difference. For emotional regulation, try practicing one calming skill daily, such as a breathing exercise or a short prayer.
- Finally, keep an eye on how things are going. If symptoms persist or worsen over two to four weeks, or if they begin to interfere with daily functioning, it’s time to seek additional support.
When you feel overwhelmed by your child’s mental health, you are not failing.
Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re falling short; it means you care deeply. That you’re showing up, even when it’s hard and that matters more than you know. There’s no shame in needing or asking for help, and this doesn’t make you any less of a parent. In fact, Scripture itself encourages us in this, by reminding us that we were never meant to carry burdens alone (see Galatians 6:2). As such, reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a faithful act of love and compassion, as well as one of the most powerful things you can do to give your child the best care possible. If this feels difficult, consider starting with one honest sentence like: “I’m overwhelmed and could use help.” You can it to a friend, pastor, small group member or family member. Saying it aloud often, brings immediate relief and makes it easier.
Try incorporating more micro self-care into your routine
These take just a few minutes, and can be done as many times as needed during the day without messing up your schedule or routine too much:
- Park far and walk briskly to the store
- Make a hot drink and sit down to enjoy it, without your phone
- Take short breaks from social media
- Do 10 shoulder rolls and three belly breaths
- Put on a favourite song and dance while folding laundry
- Text a friend: “Need to vent for 3 minutes—are you free to listen?”
When to seek professional help
- When your child refuses school or has daily physical complaints
- When mood or anxiety interferes with school or social functioning
- When you feel persistently hopeless or numb
- When there are concerns about suicide, self-harm or harm to others
If you need help, consider
- Calling your pediatrician to rule out medical causes and get appropriate referrals
- Contacting the school for support with your child; many supports can begin there that can help to ease the burden off of you
- Connecting yourself with a community: the more people you have in your corner the better! If you need some ideas, consider small groups at FAC.
- If you’re interested in finding free or lower-cost mental health supports, consider using 211 Alberta, a free resource that helps Calgarians find services
What to Carry Into This Fall Season
As we prepare for the new school year, it’s easy to get caught up in all the strategies, schedules, and supplies. But sometimes, in the midst of all the planning, we forget the most powerful support we can offer our children: our presence. I recently came across a powerful brain study that highlighted this beautifully. Researchers found that simply showing a child a photo of their parent or holding their parent’s hand acted as a safety signal to the brain. It helped calm their nervous system and reduce stress. That’s how deeply rooted the connection between parent and child is.
Why is this important? Because while we can spend hours talking about routines, coping skills, and emotional check-ins, the truth is that your love and physical presence in their lives are the most impactful tools you have. Even if you’re a working parent or have limited time, I want you to remember that when the guilt mounts, it’s not about the quantity, it’s about the quality of the time you spend together. So, if you’re present, if you’re trying to show up in the ways you can, trust me, you are already offering more than enough.
A Prayer for Parents
As you step into this season, I wish to leave you with a short prayer, for wisdom, peace and love for the days ahead:
Lord, I thank You for the gift of our children and the privilege of walking alongside them. In the midst of so many schedules, emotions, and unknowns, we ask that You please grant us the wisdom to lead with grace, peace to calm our own hearts, and for an outpouring of love that reflects Yours. Help us to be present, even in the small hard moments, and remind us that You are with us in every step.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Thank you to our guest contributor, Vanessa Siso! We’re so thankful for her heart for kids and families. Vanessa is a registered psychologist and part of the FAC en Español community. She has recently released a children’s book called Elisabeth’s Miracle.
You may also be interested in …
- The God of Septembers, September 2023
- Back to School & The Bokeh Effect, September 2021
