"What if God is Real?" Erin’s Story

My first time visiting FAC was during the Thanksgiving weekend in 2024. I had recently separated from my husband, and I had absolutely no relationship with God. I didn’t believe or respect Him, and honestly, had no interest in church. I have two young boys, and my oldest son, Taylor, had always believed in God.  

Despite my best attempts to persuade him otherwise, he always held onto his faith. After his father and I separated, though, I started noticing changes in him. The sweet, lighthearted little boy I knew was becoming distant, angry, and cold. One day, I asked him if he still believed in God. He told me that he didn’t think that he did. And somehow that broke my heart, even if it wasn’t my belief at the time.  

I knew he needed something to believe in. So, in hopes of helping him find the light in his life again, I asked my best friend, Katie, to take me to her church so I could get a feel for it. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t some kind of cult and that it was safe for my son, to encourage him in his faith.  

Leading up to my first visit to FAC, several major things were happening in my life. My divorce after 10 years of marriage completely shattered me. After years of trying to reconnect with my husband, I felt broken, rejected, and unlovable. Then, my kitchen sink had been giving me problems for months. Pipes kept breaking, flooding my kitchen with water. Then, the night before my first church visit, my dishwasher line burst and flooded the kitchen again. 

I had also been researching a medical compound connected to healing and recovery for Parkinson’s Disease. I had spent hours reading about it and the ways it could help slow or even reverse symptoms. So, I walked into church guarded, skeptical, and fully expecting to feel the same things I had always felt in churches before: judgment, shame, and the sense that I wasn’t a good enough person because I didn’t follow rules I didn’t understand. 

Then Pastor James came up and spoke about Thanksgiving and sacrifice. He explained that God doesn’t just want our good sacrifices. He wants our burdens, pain, and worries too. Then he started naming specific examples. “Maybe today is the day you’re signing your divorce papers,” he said. “That’s something you can give to God.” At that point, I thought, “Okay… weird coincidence.” Then he continued. “Or maybe your pipes burst, and your kitchen is flooded with water. You can give that to God, too.” 

Now I was completely shaken. 

Then he started talking about water and mentioned that his medication causes dry mouth and makes him drink more water. My friend Katie leaned over and whispered, “He was just diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.” I think my jaw hit the floor. I felt like I had just been hit across the face The rest of the service, I sat there staring at the cross, looking around the room, listening to the sermon, and thinking, “Oh crap… what if God is real? Is He going to smite me with lightning for being here?” 

On the drive home, Katie smiled while I sat there spiraling through every thought imaginable. Had I spent my whole life rejecting and insulting the God who created me? And if He was real, what was He going to do to me now if I didn’t start listening? When we arrived at my place, I stepped out of the car, frantically expressing my terror, looking up at the sky. Directly above me was a huge cross outlined in clouds. No word of a lie. 

After Katie left, I sat in my house holding the Bible I had picked up from church. I had never opened one before. I didn’t know where to start. One of my friends had told me that when she reads the Bible, she talks to God and asks Him to show her what she needs to see. So, feeling skeptical and awkward, I said, “Alright God, if You’re real and this is a thing, let me know. Show me something in this Bible.”  

I opened to Psalm 69: 

Save me, O God, 

For the waters have come up to my neck. 

I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. 

I have come into the deep waters; the floods have engulfed me. 

I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. 

My eyes fail, looking for my God.  

Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me.  

I am forced to restore what I did not steal. 

There is a lot more to that Psalm, but that was all I needed. I burst into tears. 

God saw me. He knew what was going on in my heart. He felt me break. I knew from that moment on that He was my God, someone who was there for me even when I didn’t want Him. I knew that I needed to understand Him, understand this whole thing, so I started reading His words. I spent the next year and a bit growing in understanding of His Word; going to FAC Deerfoot, listening to the sermons, talking to Jesus, and reading about all the grace and love that He has given.  

As I grew in my relationship with Jesus, He kept calling out to me with these incredible signs. Moments that I knew without a doubt were Him, comforting me while I was in pain, showing me something that would make me smile, or rebuking me when I needed it.  

Eventually, I would get signs pointing me towards baptism.  

It was like He kept saying, “Yeah girl, go get baptized!” I would be reading Baptism-related passages in the Bible, trying to understand why it was such a big deal. Then that weekend, the sermon would be about baptism. Or the next weekend, there would be an announcement that the next baptism weekend was coming.  

One night, I was soaking in the bath, talking to God and crying so deeply. Then suddenly, I choked on water and shot upright out of the tub, and the image that immediately came into my mind was someone rising out of the baptism waters. I burst out laughing. “Okay, okay, I get it,” I said. “I’ll get baptized!” 

It didn’t happen right away. I still needed time to wrap my head around it all and to fully understand why I wanted to do it. I also wanted to make sure my children would be there with me. This March, I did it .... I gave myself to Jesus my Saviour and to God as my everything.  

I still have so much to learn, but I know that I have nothing to fear because He has got me. I’ve experienced how powerful His love is and how forgiving His grace is. All I want is to honour Him and share His glory in all that I do. He drives me to push myself and to take on things I was afraid to do, because I know that, however it turns out, it’s in His hands.  

I’m in a season of long suffering, ha! But I’m also the happiest that I have ever been. I know now that difficult situations are not punishment, but opportunities for me to grow and be ready for all that Jesus has planned for me. Through the pain and the trials, He continues to show me that I’m not alone. He’s showing me, “this too shall pass”.  

Thank you, Erin, for sharing your story! If you find yourself in a difficult season in life, you’re not alone; Jesus sees you and knows your deepest needs. Find the care and support you need here at FAC and explore ways you can get connected with others at your campus.