Starting Over with God: Oge's Story

I first got connected to FAC through my cousin Onyie, who is on staff. We were having a conversation in the kitchen along with my sister, and I was asking questions about the world and God to learn about their viewpoints, just for conversation. Then Onyie said, “You have a lot of questions. You should come to Alpha!” I said okay, but didn’t really think I was going to go. I just thought it was another church thing I’d say yes to, but wouldn’t be able to muster the energy to follow through. But I did, and now that Alpha has ended, it’s made such an impact on me that was impossible to foresee. 

I was pretty much born with faith in my life. My parents are Christians. But more than that, as a child, I loved and felt deeply connected to God. However, as I grew older and life got more difficult, I became more awake to the horrors of the world. I wondered why my God, who I loved so much, would allow all this to happen? It was at this point in my journey that I began the Alpha program. 

I would recommend Alpha over and over again, not because all my questions were answered (which they weren’t) but because it’s a caring, intentional safe space created for all individuals at any point in their faith journey. There’s learning, but more importantly, there’s space to ask questions. Honestly, just knowing your questions are welcome is sometimes all you need, even if you don’t necessarily get all the answers. 

When the topic of baptism came up during Alpha, I explained to everyone around my table that my baptism as a child was the best gift my parents could have ever given me. I didn’t think it was necessary to do it again. During the baptism service on Sunday, March 22, I went to support a friend who was getting baptized. After I hugged her backstage, I found myself in the Green Room, looking at myself in the mirror, thinking about how much I didn’t want to live like this anymore.  

As dramatic as that may sound, it really wasn’t. Since the Alpha program, I had been working through a lot of the pain and wanting to trust God again; trying to handle things on my own was tearing me apart. Maybe it was something in the preaching or the days that led up to that moment, but suddenly, all I could think was, “Okay. Let’s do this. Let’s start over.”  

Not because starting over with God would erase all the pain, but that I would no longer walk my healing journey alone or feel like I was (even if I was never really alone to begin with). Also, my spirit wouldn’t sit still; something within me was pushing and pushing, like it knew something I didn’t. So impulsively, I asked my cousin, “Do you have any sunscreen?” She said yes, so I said, “Okay, I’m going to get baptized.” It was funny and amazing! 

I remember thinking right after my baptism, “Well, that was interesting and unexpected, but what now?” I didn’t necessarily feel different, or anything really. And not until this moment of writing this, do I now realize that, for the first time in a while, what I was feeling was peace. 

There has been a lightness to my shoulders, my mind, and my feet, and it hasn’t left ever since. Although sometimes it’s easy to miss because of how gentle the Holy Spirit is. I’m always in my head and worry a lot, but now I’m always brought back to that light feeling. The Holy Spirit is a comforter, and while I have not felt comfort 100% of the time, I know I’m not doing this alone anymore, and I don’t have to feel alone anymore.  

Now there is this surety, a confidence as I step into the purpose God has for me.

There’s this feeling of growth; that my mind and heart are being renewed. There is a sense that I am growing to allow space for the many questions I have; questions asked, answered or unanswered, leaving space for both doubt and trust, but to keep moving forward and not give up. 

There’s a lot that God is teaching me in this season. I’ve started reading the Bible again, which I haven’t done in a long while, and I am making it a part of my routine. There is a lot to learn. For now, the lessons are still jumbled and blurry, but for this season of my life, I’d say God is teaching me that He is here. 

Thank you, Oge, for sharing your story! Exploring what baptism could mean for you? We’re here to help!